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HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
Inspired by the shroud of mystery that envelops Vatican City during the papal conclave, The Lost Abbey brewery in San Marcos, Calif., offered up its newest creation, Sede Vacante (SEH-deh vah-CAHN-teh). Created from a mysterious blend of variously aged barrels of barley wine previously stored in the catacombs of the brewery, Sede Vacante is a marvel of equal parts flavor and mystery. The creation of the beer itself is kept veiled in secrecy; the formulation, written on black papyrus, was burned (or smoked) soon after completion. An extremely limited number of bottles, likely less than 100 cases, was available in late March. “It’s not very often we get to fete the arrival of a new Pontiff,” said Tomme Arthur, director of brewery operations at The Lost Abbey. “We felt this was an exceptional event worthy of a new release from our Lost Abbey barrel program.” The beer hits an apostolic 15% abv and should be heavenly. With Pope Usetabe the First still hovering around the Vatican, we remain one pope over the line, sweet Jesus. Sede Vacante should help us get over that…

A Phoenixville, Pa., man will face simple assault charges after choking his girlfriend when she tried to make him pour out his beer. According to a criminal complaint, Michael White, 44, allegedly “came home intoxicated” to their residence around 7:00 p.m. in early March. He reportedly “became angry” when his girlfriend tried to pour out the beer he was carrying. Mr. White was subsequently arrested. Pouring out some else’s beer is curiously not against the law in Pennsylvania… What’s more intense than an Xtreme Beer Fest? An Xtreme snowstorm, apparently — specifically, that huge winter storm that choked the Northeast and canceled (among many other things) the big brew fest scheduled for the Boston Center for the Arts. Luckily, beer lovers are resilient folks, and the festival, produced by the Beer Advocate, was rescheduled for St. Patrick’s Day weekend. Both nights of this paragon of monster craft beers remain sold out.

This was not your normal foot race, for sure. The Tap ’N’ Run 4k held recently at the Sandbar Cantina near Deep Ellum, Texas, included three beer chug stations along the race course and a full beer at the finish line. Awards were given for things like best mustache, best short shorts and best hot mess (whatever that is). We like the beer chug stations…

Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore? A Scottish brewery wants customers to pair its latest brew with their morning meal. Earlier this year, Black Isle Brewery released Cold Turkey, a rich beer with a malty, coffee base and hints of berries and grapefruit. With oats, barley and wheat, the amber ale “has all the malty taste of multigrain cereal,” Black Isle said on its website. At 2.8% alcohol by volume, a pint or two of Cold Turkey won’t leave you leg-less with your day still before you. Local anti-alcohol groups objected to the notion of an alcoholic drink for breakfast, but the brewery is persevering…

If you were to bottle HBO’s Game of Thrones, what would it taste like? I’d guess it would be something dark and intense. However, the folks at Brewery Ommegang disagreed,” said Whitney Matheson of USA Today. The beer, dubbed the “Iron Throne,” is a 6.5% alcohol-by-volume Belgian blonde ale brewed with grains of paradise and lemon zest, giving it a peppery and bright citrus taste. “Iron Throne was named as a nod to the blonde Lannister family currently occupying the throne,” Allison Capozza, who manages publicity for the brewery, told Today.com. Like the show that inspired it, the beer was made to be enjoyed by the masses. Limb-hacking, slow-mo blood spurts and gratuitous pagan sex are all optional…

There is nothing wrong with a man getting some vanilla-scented soap, or soap that smells like jasmine green tea. But novelty shop Gadgets and Gear is now selling a line of ManHands manly scented soaps. How manly, you ask? How about bacon soap, buttered popcorn and brewed coffee soap? Other choices are more challenging for the manly scent seekers: beer (you can now smell like your worst hangover ever), red wine (same logic) and cash. Cash? Luckily, there are also some gender-neutral scents, like the aforementioned brewed coffee as well as a margarita scent. Of course, men can enjoy margaritas, and the scent itself is wonderfully citrusy. Just stay away from the marijuana scent unless you’re in Colorado or high in Humboldt County, California…

And for something every man can’t wait to get his hands on: Consider Boobzie, a line of voluptuous, large-breasted coozies for canned and bottled beverages. Boobzie is the perfect accessory for any guy’s hand looking to keep his drink cold and fun. Meet Wanda “U Can’t Touch This” big Boobzie coozie for your can or bottle. The concept behind Boobzie is the inclusion of a suggestive backstory for each of the coozies. These full-figured items are available at Boobzie.com and other outlets of uplifting entertainment like Hooters and Planet Hollywood. You have been warned…
 

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