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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2002 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
Ya gotta love the Net. Gleaned from topfive.com are The Top Little-Known Rules of Beer Drinking. Some examples: Women love an educated guy — learn to burp the Greek alphabet… You are only allowed to say "You don't buy beer, you rent it!" a total of 25 times in your lifetime… Budget carefully. (Was it really Martin Mull who said that first?)… The best beer names are always onomatopoeic of deep, redolent beer belches. To wit: "Schlitz," "Blatz," "Pabst," "Buuuud."… Beer moving up the esophagus always has the right-of-way… Before wringing spilled beer into your glass from a soaked shirt, make sure that your date is not still wearing it…

Estonians ran off with the world wife-carrying title (so to speak) for the fifth year in a row at the competition in Sonkajarvi, Finland, using the trademark "Estonia carry." It works this way: The woman squeezes her thighs around the man's face while hanging upside down along his back (I’m not making this up). Meelis Tammre, 24, and Anna Zilberberg, 21, were fastest around the 250-yard course. Thirty-six couples from eight countries took part in the event, in which a man has to carry his wife or partner over a track that includes wood hurdles and a chest-high water pool. Women contestants wore helmets because of the perils of the favored "Estonia carry" upside-down position in the rough forest clearing only a few hours' drive from the Arctic Circle. (Wife-carrying traces back to a local chieftain, Ronkainen the Robber, whose gang stole wives from rivals in neighboring villages.) Top prize in the competition in Finland was the female champion's weight in beer. Who sez this column isn’t educational!

Beer in space! The Russian Academy of (Agricultural) Science is developing a nonalcoholic beer for Russia's cosmonauts to drink in space. It is specially adapted with added vitamins and minerals. The nonalcoholic beer was originally created for rescue workers who wanted a drink that would not impair their performance. The science academy is revising the recipe with the idea that it will also serve to cheer up the cosmonauts. How does a Russian cosmonaut relieve himself? Depends…

Drink your way to riches! A Canadian university professor has found that, on average, the more people drink, the more they earn. Professor Chris Auld says his research confirms the so-called alcohol-income puzzle. His research shows people who drink more than average are also more likely to be successful and earn more. He suggests that the reasons behind the correlation could be that the stress of a high-paying job drives people to drink, or that more sociable people are more likely to achieve career success. How about “wealth flows toward happy people?” Just a thought… Meanwhile, we have yet another professor who has figured out how to expense his bar tab!…

Kurt E. Epps checks in with the following from Men’s Health mag: Want strong bones? Drink beer! You thought it was clean living that kept Gramps spry all these years? Turns out it was the alcohol. In a study of 445 people, researchers at Creighton University in Nebraska found that moderate alcohol consumption leads to stronger bones when you're older. "Alcohol reduces the factors that cause bone loss," says Prema Rapuri, Ph.D., the study’s author. Rapuri found that seniors with the highest bone density drank two to four servings of alcohol each week. Wow! Rich and strong bones too! Can it get any better?

Sure, you’ve heard about it: “the beer shampoo.” There was even a shampoo in a beer bottle. (We have one at the Celebrator office. Jay tried to drink it.) But seriously, folks, room-temperature brew is now used by supermodels, who all swear by it, according to Kate Mearns, director of the Spa at the Kingsmill Resort. A bottle of beer poured through your tresses (stop crying, Bob Brewer, it’s not YOUR beer) after a shampoo sets your curls and adds shine, according to the people in the know at the spa. There's even photographic proof on the company’s Website. For many women, having a beer poured on their hair is an accident that tends to happen late at night in crowded bars. At $70 for the 45-minute “hair, hands and hops treatment” at the spa, make sure they use a good craft beer and not some adjunct-laden, chemically enhanced, corn-infused brew. And don’t worry — you don’t smell like beer after the blow-dry. If you think I just make this stuff up, check out kingsmill.com. And thanks to beercook.com for the heads up on the head sup-plement…

The CNN report from Pennsylvania the night the nine coal miners were rescued stated that the rescuees’ requests for sandwiches and doughnuts were granted but their "requests for beer were turned down"! Some show of respect, I say. Oh, I get it — they were all “minors”…

Were you the Jeffrey from Vancouver who won the free dinner on Colin Cowherd's morning radio show? The question for the prize was basically “If you were in a band, what would you name it?” His winning response, “Free Beer,” included an explanation about the multitude that would attend a concert when “Jeff's band” was co-featured with “Barenaked Ladies.” Do I have to draw you a picture?… I hate to break it to Jeffrey, but old Hop remembers seeing the marquee on a club in Berkeley with “Free Beer” playing back in the ’60s. Anyone remember the ’60s? It was in all the papers…

 

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