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/// HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
 
AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2001 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
The school lunch program in one area of Belgium is setting new standards and could be the envy of Bush twins everywhere. Beginning this September, school children in the Limburg province of Belgium will be able to choose low-alcohol beer to accompany their lunches. The beer, about 2% abv and known in Belgium as tafelbier ("table beer"), was made available to students last spring in a pilot project instigated by the local beer appreciation group, De Limburgse Biervrienden. More than 80 percent of the children who took part in the project preferred the beer to soda pop (duh!), and the project is expected to be expanded to other schools this fall. Consider how this would contribute to the further education of Homer Simpsons everywhere… The school system’s motto? Today the soda pop, tomorrow the mystery meat!

In this country we are still reeling from the sisters Bush, who probably would like to align themselves with another dynasty family with a slightly different spelling… Busch! Consider all the other countries of the civilized world (a rapidly diminishing number, at that) that have more tolerance for youthful drinking and far fewer problems with drinking and alcoholism. Canada’s legal drinking age is 19, which would have stood the Bush twins in good stead and kept them out of the papers. Wine is traditionally introduced to the Jewish child at an early age on special occasions, and yet the Jewish culture has one of the lowest incidences of alcoholism in the world. Hmmm…

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals but the shitty treatment of humans they disagree with) pushed its “Got Beer?” campaign to rid schools and homes of milk for young people. They managed to get a lot of media attention and incur the ire of MADD (which by definition seems fraught with ire). Has PETA considered the utter distress of cows everywhere not being milked? Nice thought, however…

July was "Fizzy Yellow Beer T-Shirt Amnesty Month" at Stone Brewing in San Marcos, Calif. Grab that Corona or Bud Light T-shirt and send it to those “Arrogant Bastards” down south who are never short on clever publicity and guerrilla marketing schemes. You can trade in your fizzy yellow beer T-shirt for the new Arrogant Bastard Ale "Fizzy Yellow Beer is for Wussies" T-shirt by following the simple steps at www.stonebrew.com/amnesty. As Mr. Koch the Latter sez, “Repent and be saved!”…

What is the beer industry coming to? Magic Hat brewed 1,000 cases of Jeezum Jim after calls for the one-time draft-only Jeezum Jim Jazzfest ale caused such a stir. In a rally promoting Vermont businesses at the Magic Hat Brewery on July 5, Vermont’s newly Independent Senator James Jeffords (ask President Dubya about him) signed some of the limited 22-oz bottles for supporters who stood in line for over an hour. Jeezum Jim is brewed in the style of an English mild. Jeezum Jim Jeffords?

Further Evidence that God Is a Man Dept.: Somehow or other, the composition of a man’s body contains more water, pound for pound, than a woman’s. This seemingly insignificant anomaly becomes more important when one is imbibing, as that extra water dilutes alcohol and allows men to absorb more drink. This fact was no doubt discovered by a male scientist. Could it be further evidence that woman was ordained to be the designated driver?… Ah, well, as the erudite C.K. Chesterton once observed, “No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness — or so good as drink”…

News from Big Pink: The VERY pink Royal Hawaiian Hotel in Waikiki has a suitable beer made by the Keoki Brewing Company on Kauai. The beer is, ahem, pink. It is served at the Mai Tai Bar and in the Surf Room. Go ahead, you order one…

All Ireland Hurling Championships a Real Gut-Wrencher! Summer in Ireland is all about Guinness’s biggest sponsorship (according to Guinness) and Ireland's biggest passion for hurling. You know, the field game? It’s played with a curved wooden stick (hurley) and a hard ball (sliotar). The All Ireland Hurling Championships pitch county against county and create an unrivaled frenzy come the finals in September. So let’s all get out there and hurl!…

And someone who knows plenty about hurling is Falling Rock’s Chris Black, the Denver beer guru who sez he’s “presently having my liver prophylactically dry cleaned”…

Lisa Morrison, our SudSister from Portland, Ore., also suggests prophylactic aid for distressed livers: “I really need to get my medical friend working on that vision of his: the Liver Pack. You strap it on when you are anticipating some heavy imbibing, flip the switch and let the Liver Pack do its thing, thus saving your real liver for other functions.”… In my spare time I built a prototype for the porta-liver. I'm just trying to figure out where to stick the hose. Any suggestions?…

 

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