subscribe » advertise » wholesale » contact us
ColumnsReviewsFeaturesRegionalVideosBlogs
/// HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
 
FEBRUARY/MARCH 2000 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
It's official! Topping the list of the Most Outrageous Lawsuits of the Decade (as compiled by the diligent souls at the Civil Justice Association of California) is this beery gem: "A man sued beer vendors in a baseball stadium for emotional distress incurred when he saw women using a men's room during a rock concert. He blamed the beer vendor for sending him on numerous trips to the restroom." Yeah, right. Too bad he wasn't attending a Marilyn Manson concert. Talk about potential emotional distress…

Turkish beer enthusiasts (there's a concept!) can now read and enjoy Beer for Dummies by Marty Nachel in their homeland, as this popular title was recently translated into the Turkish language. Beer for Dummies has now been reprinted in a total of five foreign languages, including German, Swedish, Finnish and Danish. Beer for Dummies is also sold in the English language in the United Kingdom and India. Beer, the international language! And, it doesn't look like we'll run out of Dummies anytime soon, either!…

Just in case you managed to get through the 20th century with out hearing this, a man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room. He noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look, Doc, this is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but what's the beer for?" The doctor yelled over his shoulder, "Dammit, nurse! I said a 'butt light'!"…

Sad news from down under: Beer consumption in New Zealand is now at just above 80 liters per capita, down from 120 liters in just 10 years. Does that mean that in 20 years' time beer will be extinct in Kiwi-land? Should an organization be formed to raise funds to increase awareness of this endangered species? In 2019, the only place you can get a beer: a museum?…

In Gauhati, India, wild elephants broke into a cluster of thatched huts, guzzled rice beer fermenting in casks and then tore the village apart in a drunken rampage, trampling four people to death and injuring six, according to newspaper reports. No word yet from MADE (Mothers Against Drunk Elephants)…

Meanwhile, some Malaysian mommies swear that to protect their babies from disease they need only bath them in beer. Probably won't hurt the kids, but what a terrible waste of beer…

What U.S. city brews the most beer? Portland? Milwaukee? Saint Louis? The answer would be Los Angeles, sir (or madam). That region also consumes a lot of beer… most of it of the industrial light lager variety, alas (which may account for the kind of movies we get)…

Shame on You Dept.: Stark Raving Mad, a new TV show that really is, stars Neil Patrick Harris (who used to be Dr. Doogie Howser) and Tony Shaloub (who played the cab driver on "Wings"). In a recent episode, Harris walks into a bar and orders a Scotch. The Stark Raving Mad bartender poured… Seagram's V.O. (a Canadian whisky)! Sure, we all can appreciate a nice product placement, same as the next corporation, but dammit, Scotch ain't Canadian whisky! (OK, I'm over it)…

Coming Soon… Messiah Stout! It's the beer you've been waiting for! According to the Schmaltz Brewing Company, its new Messiah Stout is "a dark, rich, smooth and delicious elixir available around the New Year and into the new millennium at select retailers and by mail order. Peace! L'Chaim!" Yeah, but can you get it wholesale? Let me tell you about my uncle Irving in Brooklyn…

Pork Squealing Dept.: The Celebrator's own Marty Jones, beer writer from Denver, Colo., and even more famous as the harp (that's "harmonica" for you non-blues cats out there) player for the Rolling Boil Blues Band, has his own group called "Marty Jones & the Pork Boilin' Poor Boys." The Porkers have their own CD out, and it's getting some great air play in the Denver area. The boys are famous for their status as the Kings of Hillbilly Rock, and their current self-titled CD includes such cult-classics as "Too Much Talk (Too Little Drinkin')," the hilarious gay-trucker anthem "Queen of the Road,'' a "Porkestrated'' take on Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love,'' and a last-call tear-jerker, "One More Beer'' and more. The big news is that The Denver Post has chosen the debut disc as one of the best country records of the past year!!! Others on the list include George Jones, Emmylou Harris, Merle Haggard and Allison Kraus! You know, real BIG stars! Marty, of course, is as happy as a pig in shit about the whole thing. And we at the Celebrator couldn't be more proud… of Marty, not the pig in shit. Well, we could be more proud if we got tour jackets!…

And welcome the New Millennium… same as the Old Millennium…

 

Advertisement

 

home » columns » reviews » features » regional » videos + » blogs » events » subscribe » advertise » wholesale » contact us

© Celebrator Beer News | Dalldorf Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. Hosting provided by RealBeer.